Process of Healing

For my series of work to be exhibited in the Senior Show at the end of the semester, I'm creating a body of work that focuses on my own personal process of healing. Already, it has been therapeutic and advantageous for me, allowing me to express my emotions of how I feel inside (though many times extremely difficult and usually resulting in a mental break down afterward, but, still good). My brother passed away this past October, and unless someone has personally experienced this terrible tragedy, there is absolutely no way for someone to truly understand the unbearable pain, turmoil, and heartache that follows. I fight my own demons every single day, and although I am still able to be a fairly happy person and smile, and laugh, at least on the outside, my expression of what I am experiencing on the inside is limited. I don't talk about it or express these feelings to anyone, ever, and only release this pain when I'm alone... something I know is completely unhealthy and in no way helping my healing process, but is the only way I know how to handle it. So, through my work, I trying to express my stages of healing...from how I felt when it first happened, how I feel now, and how I hope to feel in the future. I'm expressing this through a medium scale neck piece and stained glass. It's definitely been difficult -- to have to stand in front of the class and tell what my pieces are about and why I am doing them, and especially hard to have to explain to new people critiquing my work, which exposes me and my situation... but, I have already grown from it. Just writing about it on my blog is absolutely not something I would have done a few weeks ago. I never talk about any of my personal life much for that matter. After both critiques, I've gone and cried, sometimes sobbed for hours, not because of the critique, but for having to barely talk about. But, honestly, I think it's good for me. Monday, I came into Casting and was in a foul mood, upset and angry at the world because of what happened (I don't always feel like this)... so after class, I took pre-cut metal I had ready to be textured for my neckpiece, took it into the back studio, and hammered for about 45 minutes, really hard, until my arm couldn't take anymore. Needless to say, I felt a lot better for the rest of the day, and I produced the best textures I had so far. Win-win situation. So, this project might not be the easiest for me to do, but it's good for me, and it's helping. :)